Are you hiding something? Have you become an awarding winning actor? Like you have been pretending to be something you aren't or feel something you don't. It's that need to act fine because you have been taught that any feeling other than a happy feeling isn't natural. You need to push it away, shove it down, hide it, and numb it by using things like food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, cleaning, workaholism, binge watching TV or scrolling social to name a few. None of these things are harmful unless we do them to excess. Hiding our pain is a fulltime job that requires more and more to keep us numb.
There is no judgement here, I used food, alcohol, sex, shopping, workaholism and scrolling social to numb my pain. It wasn't tell I learned about the pain I was carrying and how I coped to get through not feeling it that things changed. Things won't change until we do something different.
Here's the thing eating a cookie does not help with the emotional pain of loss and shopping doesn't provide any long term help for the pain caused by a death or end of relationship. These things appear to work on the surface but they don't fix anything, they distract us short term. Please note grieving people don't need to be fixed, we need to heard.
When we numb our pain we don't develop any language to give words to what we are feeling. Making almost impossible to move through our feelings of sadness and pain.
We have been socialized from early on to deal with sad, painful and negative emotions incorrectly, we end up storing the energy inside ourselves. What happens when we use these coping mechanisms to act fine? We need to use them more because the fix isn't a long term its a short term distraction. Its not a fix. Although our feelings are being numbed they are still deep within us and like a steam kettle that begins to boil with a cork it those feelings will explode and blow the cork right out. That cork represents a lifetime of misinformation that causes us to believe our sad feelings aren't valid. So what happens with our feelings that have been numbed and stuffed down? Something kind of similar to the kettle. Boom!!!
When we just keep adding one loss after another onto our pile without dealing with our emotional losses...we accumulate grief and cumulative unresolved grief is increasingly negative. Ignoring our pain can cause us to unexpectedly erupt. We may experience an over reaction to something minor, blow up at our kids and then feel guilty. We are living with a roller coaster of emotional energy with no way to regulate. No language to express our pain. We can often experience brain fog, reduced concentration and exhaustion. Unresolved grief affects our ability to stay in the moment and limits our capacity to experience joy. When we numb our pain we numb our joy. Until we become complete with the losses in our lives we will never be able to enjoy all that life has to offer. We stop living our lives fully.
Until there is nowhere to hide, and we acknowledge we are grieving. That is when we can take the small steps towards our healing from the pain of our losses.
The Grief Recovery Method® is about completion of what is emotionally incomplete. Grief will demand your attention and by using The Grief Recovery Method® you will be able to acknowledge your pain. You will learn how to let go of the pain of your losses and complete what is incomplete in your heart. Grief Recovery is about feeling better. Recovery means claiming your circumstances instead of your circumstances claiming you and your happiness. Recovery is one day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you have experienced is healthy.
If you have any questions please email me at email@example.com and we can set up a time to connect.